“You can’t do it.”

“You can’t do it.”

You know, having your own business up and running feels so rewarding after you deposit your sweat and tears making it work. But this time, it was just in the beginning. Being a former asperger kid, in a few days, my excitement diminished, because almost no clients came. Deep down, I knew that it was normal, but something inside me didn’t want to accept that. I felt like something was wrong, like we did something wrong. Fortunately, we didn’t. It was just my pessimist side telling me: “You can’t do it.” “As a person, you are weak.” “No value to offer, worthless.” “Everything you did is wrong.” 

The biggest problem is, I can’t shake those thoughts off. They just keep coming back, like voices in my head. I got so impatient, wanting to do something. Skipped my shifts so I wouldn’t break down for not having anything to do. Having ADHD, staying quiet isn’t possible for me. I needed to act. Ended up being powerless. Last night, had a nightmare, didn’t sleep well, missed my shift another day. And exactly today, lots of clients. I was just making the place cursed. That’s how i felt, anyways.

But enough of bad stuff, let’s talk about something else. My mother didn’t go to work today. If it wasn’t for her, I’d be long gone. She gave me her unconditional love and support, things that some mothers refuse to give to their children. Because of that, I feel really attached to her. We aren’t the normal kind of family you’d expect. We make inapropriate jokes, we fight all the time but forgive eachother in the next 5 minutes, etc. 

My family isn’t comprised just of people either. We have a total of 9 pets. 7 cats, a dog, and a bird. I love them a lot. They also gave me a lot of emotional support when I needed. Having pets was one of the best decisions I’ve made, because having to take care of someone made me change for the better. Note that I talk about my pets like they’re people. Because I consider them to be friends, not things, that’s why I don’t use “it”.

Well, this has been fun. Hope everyone is having a good day. See you guys in another blog post. Bye bye.

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